My poem got featured in my school mag.How cool is that?Thanks to that CERTAIN someone for inspiring and yet leaving me all alone here.You know who YOU are BUT I love you.Been writing more and more than I ever had.Whatever comes to mind...I've been penning them down.Now I'm horrible at words...especially verbally communicating it.So....excuse me while I write em' down for you.

Life's been a journey for all of us.So far,it isn't going as I want it to be but maybe what's happening now is a blessing...or a curse.Depends on how you see it.I'm not too sure myself.I'm just taking each day as it comes.Whatever happens...happens.Memories are all I have left.And that might not seem enough...true.It is for me.Unravel life's mysteries with smiles,laughters,tears and even sadness.Lessons are meant to make us stronger...not weaker.

Been in a movie marathon these few days.My "darling" loaned me her DVDS.I can't remember the titles.School's been okay.Its what you expect in a class.There are times when its boring,chaotic or fun.Three in one.The people seating next and around me are fun to be with...at least to me.There's always something to poke fun or at least joke about.And when something hilarious pops out,its just downright funny...especially the "BETTY" joke lol.

Tho one thing bothers me...or at least astounds me.Why is it a crime to be friends with those around me?I know not everyone can get along but still,we can always try.In simple English,why is it a crime to be who I am?I NEVER liked to stay in one spot.I've mentioned this before.I like to bounce around.Its not my nature to be stuck in one rut and not move.Its fucking boring.Those who can stick to one place,whatever floats your boat but it doesn't float mine.I have walked away from friendships that I think are not worth saving.Yes...some I regret...some I don't.So what?Everyone makes mistakes.Its just how you see it and how you want to handle it.If it burns you too much,then you're not living.Burst the damn bubble.This isn't some fantasy world where everyone can live happily ever after.Take ships for example.Ships are built to sail the seas...not to be docked or sheltered in a harbour.If we want to learn and grown,then we can't be sheltered all the time.Face the raging storms and do away with the fears we hold deep inside.Why let it rule?If you harbor bitterness,happiness docks elsewhere.Take it from me.It'll just eat you up from the inside and before you know it,you're breaking down.Everyone wears a mask.Once,I knew someone close who wore it everyday...until it crumbled away.Everything has a price.The only question is...how much are ME/YOU/WE willing to pay?Are we measured by the number of times we fall?Or how we rise afer each fall?Is everything in this world measured by the amount of ficticious lies?Seriously,I cannot FUCKING wait to move overseas and away from these unwanted problems.

Saw some Russian blokes in town a couple of days ago.FUCKING HAWT!!!!I almost melted!!!Mum and sis poked fun at me as per usual but what's new?Doesn't matter.Can I marry SERGEY or VLAD??But then again,I seem to be contradicting my words.

Saw something for my wonderful Ilkkaman!But I won't tell what it is!!And my sayangku wife is in GREECE!!!Lucky her!!!Next year June...will be MY turn!!Whoohoo!!So nice to see my sayang again after so long.And to think we didn't talk for ages. before.It'll never be the same again but its a start.I love sayang...I really do.And people always get a totally different misconception about "us".Hahahaha...its stupid and weird.Those who know us will know what I mean.

xxx

Sometimes we have to sacrifice or lose in order to gain.We can't help or stop what meant to happen.Go with the flow,its better to go along with it than aganist it.I might not agree with what's going on but then again,things happen.So if things don't go your way...too bad.Deal with it.If you can't...well fuck you.Life isn't a bed of roses.So we'll fall as we go along but hey,that's life.Who are we to stop time or fate?Like I said...go with the flow.

Found more pics of my Russian loves.I've changed the pic again...doesn't he look oh so droolworthy?

xxx

I've been walking alone for as long as I could remember...and guess what?I like being alone.I like...enjoy the solitude the darkness offers.So what if life throws us disappointments and failures?Its not the end of the world.Who are we to stop something from happening?Changes WILL happen...we can't stop it.Sometimes,you have to lose in order to gain and grow through life.That's the way it is...so deal with it.I NEVER rely on anyone...not even my family.I don't believe in that.And crying...is WEAK.And I ain't that.

Life's a game of chess.All of us are mere pawns,moving across the board.With some smooth and rough journeys.Sometimes we have to take out other chess pieces.There are many tactics to playing chess...and that's how life is.There are so many ways we can live it.Obstacles aren't suppose to paralyse us.Its suppose to make us stronger.It might be intimidating but fears are meant to be met head on and crushed.Its not easy but life's short...so enjoy it to the fullest.Sure I've encountered setbacks but I'm not gonna let them bring me down...why should I?

When I sit down and compare myself then and now,changes were made and done.Some were done when I was aware while others were not.I wasn't who I was before...maybe I still am...but right now,I'm dormant...well my temper that is.Everyone who knows me long and well enough will tell you that my temper is legendary.I know I have a nasty temper and coupled with my stubborness,its not something I am proud of.I'm hardly angry now...preferring to bottle them inside or pen down my thoughts into poems or stories.At least my frustration/anger gets channelled properly and not misused.

Everywhere...newspapers...television...radio...even the internet!!Everywhere I see stories or topics about juggling.What the?!?Is someone trying to tell me something?What the damn hell am I suppose to do?JUGGLE??!!?Give me one good reason why I should.Cuz from where I stand,going after or salvaging something not worth saving is worthless and pointless.I tried once...and failed miserably.So you tell me...what the FUCK am I...suppose to do!?!Anyone got any answers?Because I didn't ask for this!!!

I'm NOT walking down the road of redemption.There wasn't one to begin with.

xxx